Is Anybody Hiring?

You know what I hate the most about this recession?  The joblessness.  Yeah.  I'm joining the club.  I would sell my fucking soul for a job right now.  Everyone seems have already hired someone for EVERY bloody position imaginable.  The only positions "available" are for the experienced people.  For manager positions, and what have you.  Maybe I'm not looking hard enough into the job market.  I'm only twenty-one, I don't need a fancy job.  Heck, I would give one eye so that I would look like a pirate and work as dishwasher that says snarky, comical comments.  I would be a pirate.  I would sell my soul to be a pirate and star in the next Disney franchise that has to do with pirates?  Yeah.  That one.


But you know what's even worse?  I can't even be a sexy pole dancer too.  I can't even do that because I'm pudgy.  So, what?  Who cares?  I like Hot Pockets, pan dulce, and all that yummy good stuff that the normal people are beginning to ignore.  I'm being IGNORED here people!  Is it my facial hair?  Is it because I look Armenian?  Am I not Chicano, Hispanic, Latino 96.3 enough for you? (I just realized that my ethnicity has nothing to do with what the hell I'm talking about...)  Well, I'm sorry. What the fuck do I have to do to get a job?  Here's what I've done.  I've called these jobs incessantly to the point of desperation.  Why, oh, why do I even bother when the professionals wont even return a simple phone call with a "Yes, we'd like to go ahead and interview you," or "No, unfortunately, you don't meet the requirements."  If you tell me that you'll hire just about anyone and you don't hire me you are LIARS!  (Family Guy moment:  YOU'RE A PHONY!)

I shop at the fucking places.  I eat at the fucking places.  It's just really sad and pathetic.


I have even personally approached managers and hiring managers with my applications.  I even did a personal follow up at the stores.  I go to this one retail store, see, and the hiring manager tells me that he has all my information and that if they need to hire more people for the holiday season he'll give me a call.  My friend, who was kind enough to give me a referral, has been reminding her boss weekly (because I don't want to seem desperate) about hiring me.  Next thing you know, my friend tells me they just hired another person on top of all the other three new employees.  I question why they didn't get the big picture that I was interested in making their retail environment more productive than making the place more beautiful than it already was.  (No, not Abercrombie and Fitch).

I think it's completely unprofessional to not even make a simple phone call.  It just common courtesy!  If they call you and let you know the state of your application then you can move on to another thing.  Yeah.  People get that feeling when they think FOR SURE they're going to get the job.  And when it doesn't happen, reality, oh that reality, hits and you're still jobless because you've been waiting FOR-FUCKING-EVER for a stupid phone call that never came.


Dude, it's just like Santa.  You're a kid.  You wait up all night for that stupid fat man.  He never comes.  Your childhood is crushed.  I had the same thing but for the Tooth Fairy.  That bitch gives money.  What are you going to do with toys?  Grow up and still play with them?  No.  I don't do that.  I really hate to sound materialistic here, but, seeing that I'm American I'll indulge in the stereotype of the greedy fat-cat who only wants more, I WANT MONEY.  What do kids play with: TOYS.  What do adults play with: MONEY!  Because money buys everything.  

I would sell my fucking soul.  I swear.  Geez.  (One word to what just happened here: Lame.)