Normal Freaks

Let's get it up in the air so it can linger for the duration of this thought-to-paper sequence. Men and women want the same things out of life. I may be a little green, but I want to see what I know about shit like love, relationships, and the etcetera of life. Whether it be relationships, careers, marriage, and, the elephant in the room, sex. However, what both strive for is to be somewhat more than their helpless expectations (tomorrow, and tomorrow...etc.). Is it wrong to settle for the average? To have low expectations of life? To never change? I may be shooting for the stars, going over my head, and shooting myself in the foot with this big question. What is wrong with being normal/average? I'm not talking about the penis, or breast size. I'm talking the "where the hell is this life going?" What is a normal now-a-days?

I got to thinking and began to question my average Joe life and decided that it's not so bad. I think about all my friends who've changed since high school, mind you it's been three years already, and see what they've accomplished. They're just like me. They're heading down the slow and steady wins the race path. There is nothing wrong with being normal, or average. You just have to have the ability to improve it. Well, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, right? So, when life give you normal, you stop and say, "Hey, this is fine. Life is stable, good and drama free."

Or at least Diet Drama. I understand that some people want to be more than what he or she is in life and get their name out there in the world. You know. Be a somebody in a world of nobodies. Is it worth it to risk normalcy in return for fantasy? A little fantasy never hurt anyone, it's normal to want things out of reach. My only gripe is that the average life gets pretty boring pretty fast. It can also get freaky. The tiresome repetition of days. In and out of buildings. Driving the same road. It's the Twilight-Zone.

So, how do we break out of the normalcy? Well, from what I've learned, you can and can't. You can because once you get your name out there, you'll desire a scrap of the normal life. You can't when you don't have the drive to be more than you can be. You're a damned if you're normal and you're damned if you aren't. That's why most people want to be freaks, because they break the regular mold and are turned abstract. Nobodies wanta to be abstract, just because literal and what's on the page is too boring. All that glitters can be fools gold.

I am me; and I know my thoughts are probably all jumbled up, but I feel it necessary to break my block. I want to be more than this page. I want to have meaning and fearlessness. I am searching for my voice and can almost hear it clearly. If normal is what I have to be for the rest of my life. I can try to at least make it sound interesting. Face it, a boring life is an interesting one. I'm a dog without a bone and without a clear vision of my future. I'm a boring person who has nothing intelligent to say. I'm a somebody in a nobody world, yet I'm considered a nobody. I shouldn't think that way, but that's how I am and diet drama tastes nasty.

I'm a normal person who wants to be freak. Don't we all?

My Carrie Bradshaw Moment

Why is it that Carrie Bradshaw always has the right thing to say? Whether it be a witty snap, a smart pun, or just a wise little token, she has the ability to make the watcher think about his, or should I say her, own problems. These problems often lie within the realm of relationships, friendships, and other ships sailing into the social aspect of life. Now, I've never been in a "relationship-relationship," however, I do have friendships, and many of my problems aren't near as complex as hers because I'm living the life a "regular Joe;" but I seem to be gravitating to her and what she has to say. So, what? I'm a guy who likes Sex & The City, sue me, but is life really all about finding love, answering a question with another question, or questioning the first question that led one to question the problem in the first place? I'm going to say no, an "in between" no, a no that describes the very essence of my being -- "maybe." Not one person ever has the answers to everything, true, and the answers will never be convenient, but wherever it lies, it has to come from an adult decision.

Is there ever a dull moment in Carrie's life, her tasteful problematic life? Her question of the night: "Can you get to a future if your past is present?" Doesn't that just tense you up? Sorry for the pun, when you think about Carrie, you, well, get carried away. (I think I'm going to throw up.) Carrie's past exists within Big, a smooth-talking rich guy that holds the key to Carrie's heart. Not with money, but with his ever semi-creeper school boy affection and real desire for her as a person. Her present, a writer by the charming nickname, "Burger," who, obviously, finds common ground for their love of words and Carrie's way with words (I think.). The problem is, Carrie's ever present elephant in the room ex-relationship with Big holds her back from grasping a small glimpse of a stable future relationship with not just Burger, but also her perceptions of love, and, especially, men. It is an interesting tabled turned point-of-view for me as a twenty-something male that is trying to understand why men seem to be the problem for women and women seem to be the problem for men. It's not like the two are from different planets. Both are human and conduct themselves as such, albeit in different ways, but I believe it all lies within social stigmas for the ever battling sexes. That sounds like a snooty college student remark trying to impress his teacher, but it's a little bit true.

That said, why does the future for Carrie matter so much? Why does it matter so much to you and me? Isn't it absurd to even talk about it? Hell, thinking about it can give someone a headache, even scared shitless. I'm trying here, to figure out what actions will affect me in the future, to understand why such consequences will be so dire and, again, why does it matter? I'm going to get it straight for myself, I seem to be thinking in circles. The past has shaped my present, the present in non-negotiable, and the future is unknown. Here I am, going to school trying to to get my future on and get some sort of security for "just-in-case" situations. In the words of Macbeth after finding out his beloved wife has taken her life:

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

I'm not just calling Carrie an idiot, we're all idiots. Nah, she's not a complete idiot though, she has a point and she gets it across, pins you down with it, and makes you realize that what you have to live for is for "The Ever Present Now." Is this what love has in-store for all? Tomorrow? I should hope so. We don't know if a tomorrow will ever come, but we EXPECT it, and that's all I need to reassure my restless, unloved "relationship-relationshipless" heart. I expect love tomorrow. Not just from one person, but from my family, friends, and little animal creatures that sing with me during a blacked-out Disney musical number. (Ah, weed and liquor.) Give a little. Take a little. Expect nothing but the best; and, if you can't receive, feed off it from whatever you love. Absorb that energy, I do it all the time. After all, loving yourself is okay, too.